June 2004
"Lard of a Jellish Kind" by Brian Hall
(Parody of Jealous Kind)
Had another turkey for Thanksgiving
Gonna make some soup from this chewed up bird
Set my stove to boil up broth,
With the cooling down soup I tell my friends,
You take the gravy ladle,
dip it inside
now the soup is on the table
and the lard of a jellish kind
want to swallow broth with pride
turkey soup feels good inside,
and you know I want to have more,
with the lard of a jellish kind
lard of a jellish kind
Try to skim away the fat that keeps on spreading
Scooping up some broth into my hand
I?d rather taste the food that?s so familiar
Than throw away the lard into the can, lard into the can
One hundred other kinds of turkey meals that we can make,
If I should loose the salt, a turkey sandwich can?t be made
And lard that changes my, cholesterol I see it rise,
Take a snack but don?t take mine ?
June 2004
"Flood" Parody by Aimee Camp (Newy Updated and Revised)
(verse 1)
Rain, rain on my bass
I sure hope it won't sink in through this case
I slipped in the mud
My bass guitar went flying and sunk into the flood
(chorus)
And if it won't dry after 40 days
Then I 'll need to go buy a brand new bass
Cuz my old one sunk in the dark wet mud
Oh, it's sinking (deep in the mud now)
It's still sinking (it's starting to flood now)
Oh, it's sinking (I'm starting to cry now)
It's still sinking (I'm saying goodbye now)
(verse 2)
I ask myself why
why I didn't buy a hard case for my bass
this one is too soft
it's soaking wet with water, it'll never dry off!
(bridge)
Calm the storms that drench my bass
and dry the streams that soak it
If only it was rain proof then
the rain wouldn't have broke it
Jan 2004
"Blizzard" by Brian Hall
(Parody of Flood)
(Verse 1)
Snow flakes on my face
Hasn’t stopped snowing for days
Snow forts are so fun
Slowly snowmen melt in the warm sun
(chorus)
But if I can’t sled after forty days
And my snow fort is crushed by a snowplow wave
Throw some snow so high that it cannot fall
Throw some snow
Throw snow up (winter is falling)
Throw snow up (the blizzard is coming)
Throw snow up (don’t throw that stuff at me)
Throw snow up (to keep it from falling again)
(Verse 2)
My parka is soaked
Sliding down the mountain, I’m losing control
White flakes all around
Can’t feel my feet, frostbite is found
(Bridge)
See the snowmen with coal eyes
And white flakes are still falling
Flying snowball hits my face
Now you’ve got trouble coming
Jan 2004
"Lazy" by Brian Hall
(Parody of Liquid)
Homework to do
I should be studying
Eyes are red
Form typing my papers, staring at the screen,
This is the remote, the remote, the remote to my tv
Books to read
Gotta flip through the pages, during all the commercials
Final is soon
Starts at 8 in the morning, now its 5 in the morning
I have the remote, the remote, the remote to my tv
Up and down
Gotta flip through the channels, during all the commercials
Re-runs and talk shows
I’d rather watch the Simpsons, when I should be studying
Give me the remote, the remote, the remote to my tv
Grades come back
I should have dome more studying, instead of Tellytubies
Pull the plug
Take away the cable, because I can’t afford it, and I’m not stable
Take away the remote, the remote, the remote to my tv
Jan 2004
"Shopping Carts" by Brian Hall
(Parody of He)
(Intro: background of grocery store carriages, price check on Super Prune
Juice)
(Verse 1)
Don’t try to call me
I’ve gone to the store
Coupons I’ve got here
From things that I’ve bought
(Pre-chorus)
I try to stuff your mouth, but for crying out loud,
Just give me a chance to shop and save
Exhaustion takes over, will this ever be over?
(Chorus)
Shopping carts spin round and round
Those squeaky wheels make lots of sound
Don’t take my cart away form me
Or I’ll have to get in line again
(Verse 2)
I know my daddy loves me
He buys me some goodies
I know my momma loves me
She feeds me processed lard
(Ending)
My number is called
From up in the deli
Pot roast and sandwiches, I smell baloney,
The best of the chicken, hamburger helper,
And do not forget the Ramen noodles
Spaghetti potatoes, corn flakes and bean dip,
Lasagna and pork rinds, Hot Pockets and tacos,
(alternate these last two lines till the end)
(at the very end, imagine Cartman from South Park can be heard saying
’Mooom! I want some Cheesy Poofs!!!)
Jan 2004
"Work Like a Horse" by Brian Hall
(Parody of Like a Child)
Dear Mom,
My laundry is starting to reek
And the people on my floor are freaks
And my roommate is so weird; yes, he has orange hair
Dear Mom,
My meal points are all gone
I have ten papers due
I have looked around and searched for answers I can understand
They say that I should do my homework
And go to bed before its three am
They say that I can make the deans list
If I have no friends and only read
And work like a horse
Many times, I’m on the net all day
And my web page looks so great,
I wonder if the only email I will get will be spam anyways
Jan 2004
"Food, Depart" by Brian Hall
(Parody of Worlds Apart)
Am I the only one to eat all this
Some how it ends up on my plate
Munching chicken wings I try to bite and chew the hide
And with the dressing I collide
In a nation that is built upon fast food
To rid myself of excess pounds,
To try a diet
I grab a plate and then become
Another one to wait in the line that is so long
More longer than a shoreline, more people than seats
In the place that embraces every stomach ache
Did I really have to eat it all?
I grab the slice and watch that yummy gravy flow
To eat here, take my food apart
Too much here, I am eating cheese
To eat here ... take my food apart
To love food ... I want seconds please
My food is gone, I sit alone
Amongst remains of a dinner party done
It takes all I am not to heave
And the food crumbs they cover me
Did I really have to eat it all?
All that food for all this pain
‘Cause what I eat and what I need are worlds apart
I look beyond my great big gut
Forgetting what my dinner cost
Wipe away the greasy stains
In my teeth it still remains
Need some Pepto Bismol now
I need some more each passing hour
Battle made to stand in line
Gave up not too long ago
So clog my heart and cause me pain
Wash your plate and let it dry
Eat some shellfish and some meat
And all the food I cannot hide
Take some salad, take root beer
Fat soaked chicken, make it yours
Take my food all apart
Eat it now, eat it now
Serve the food that’s my delight
Costs a price that’s way too high
Watch the pants I used to wear
Get too small and rip away
I look beyond my great big gut
Forgetting what my dinner cost
And wipe away the greasy stains
Cholesterol that sill remains
Clog my heart and cause me pain
Take the shellfish, chicken wings
And all the food I cannot hide
Take the fork and take the knife
And take my food apart, take my food apart,
I ate, I ate, I ate ..
Take my food apart
01/21/02 Aimee Camp - New Flood parody! Thanks, Aimee!
"I wrote this after having to carry my bass guitar in the rain.
It was in a case, but a soft one, so I was afraid the water would sink through."
Rain, rain on my bass
I sure hope that it won't sink in through this case
I slipped in the mud
My bass guitar went flying and sunk into the flood
And if it won't dry after 40 days
Then I just might have to get a brand new bass
Cuz my old one sunk in the dark wet mud
Oh, it's sinking (deep in the mud now)
It's still sinking (it's starting to flood now)
Oh, it's sinking (I'm starting to cry now)
It's still sinking (I'm saying goodbye now)
10/05/01 Last month we got a new submission for FLOOD PARODIES. This one came to us from Josh Birk and Ris Misner. (Thanks!)
"I know you guys already have two alternate lyrics for Flood, but I thought I'd share one that my friend and I wrote together around 1996. Flood was really popular at that time, and we both liked it and had memorized all the lyrics. We were working at A&W together, and a lot of the "car hops" were getting burned over the summer. That gave us the inspiration for the following lyrics. We wrote it over a couple slow days at work.
"This is an ode to anyone whoever fell asleep tanning.
It should be sung to the tune Flood by Jars of Clay."
"Drought"
Sunburn on my face.
Haven't stopped tanning for days.
My skin is all red.
Now I want a new replacement head.
Chorus:
But if I don't tan after 40 days,
Then my skin gets pale like a snowstorm haze.
Burn me up so bad that I'll always peel,
Burn me, OW! OW! . . .
Burn me up, when I'm tanning.
Burn me up, I'm red and I'm frying.
Burn me up, I need you to save me.
Burn me up, and give me some aloe again.
Sunburned to my soul.
Lying in the sunshine,
I'm losing control.
2000 - KEEP THINKING "FLOOD." Geezusgirl@aol.com enjoyed Mark's parody so much, she sent one of her own! It deals with the problems of curly, frizzy hair. (Thanks, Geezusgirl!)
Rain, Rain, in my hair
Causing it to frizz, so much it could scare
Gel won't make it stay
Great, now I look-- just like Macy Gray.
2000 - THINK "FLOOD." Mark Reeder lives in Lewisville, TX (Dallas/Fort Worth area). The drought conditions in this area inspired the following "lyrics." The most recent drought lasted 74 days! (Thanks, Mark!)
Rain, rain in my dreams
It hasn't rained in a lifetime it seems
My lawn is all brown
But my water bill never goes down
Cheers, cheers here at last
Rain fell this weekend--too late for the grass
The forecast ahead
43 degrees tonight--I'll freeze in my bed